Party like a Swede!
The universe was taking care of me when it placed me into this wonderful group of people I find myself amongst in Sweden. Not only do they enjoy a good shindig, they also see it as an opportunity to put on a small show for deserving guests. Those who know me, know I am partial to a bit of a show every now and then.
Waiting for the optimum moment in the music to spray Philip with bubbles at his 40th birthday celebrations
When we moved to Stockholm the world was masked and lonely. Coming from Ireland in April 2021 where we were to remain within a 3km radius of our homes, in close contact only with those we lived with, Sweden was, for a split second, overwhelming. Big gatherings of many people were not allowed and the advice was to socialise outdoors but that was it. A mask wasn’t even required when going to the supermarket.
I guess we had some built up tension to release, having had three children we had been in a type of lockdown for the past 5 years anyway so we needed to let loose. Luckily we arrived just in time for our friends to start turning 40. However, it was not only the big parties that have enriched our weekends in Stockholm.
Weekend dinner with friends
Amongst our friends here, having babies does not mean your social life needs to drastically change. Instead of getting babysitters and meeting in town, our friends host each other for dinners almost every weekend taking the kids along with them. They have been doing this since they moved out of their own parent’s homes into their own apartments. I remember visiting Philip when I was 20 and thinking he and his friends were so mature having mixed gender dinner parties rather than pre drinks at one of the girls’ parents’ houses before tottering into town where we mostly stuck together in our pack. As it turns out it was more for financial reasons, eating and drinking out in Stockholm is pricey, especially for a student, but there was no doubting their higher maturity levels and greater life experience having moved away from home at 18 years of age. I really impressed Philip’s friends one evening holding up a cheese slicer and asking what it was and later gasping when I heard they had to pay water bills. My knowledge of the world at that stage of my life was, in many ways, somewhat limited.
There are certain social events that are marked in calendars months in advance, midsommar, birthdays, crayfish parties and of course weddings but even small dinners can be planned with generous notice.
Crayfish party September 2022
At first I couldn’t get on board with it. I thought it was bonkers. Looking ahead in my calendar I would see event after event, particularly as the weather got warmer again. Did I like this? Am I someone who plans out each weekend now, where’s the spontaneity, where’s the flexibility? There’s no time to stay at home and watch Succession? As it turned out, enjoying lively dinners with friends at their homes did not leave me pining for Succession, that’s what Sunday nights were for.
Beautiful presentation and attention to detail
For a while I openly told the Swedes that I thought their planning was madness until the first winter hit, our calendar looked rather forgotten and cosy weekends at home eating gingerbread cookies with the kids became rather monotonous. That first gingerbread cookie though, crisp and thin, dipped in tea so that when it hits your tongue it melts into the ultimate taste of Swedish winter, there’s nothing so cosy.
Spring came around again as it does and with it came a need to socialise, to laugh around a table with good friends. So, I got on board with the planning, nowhere near the level of the ever efficient Swede but enough so that by the end of the summer, we would be ready to enter hibernation.
It is very much expected to invite people back to your own home here once you have enjoyed hospitality elsewhere. One cannot expect to be invited to dinners if they are not themselves inviters.
Always keen to provide the entertainment for the evening
Perhaps it’s because of the need for socialisation in the summer, or perhaps because Swedes are by nature, wonderful planners, or perhaps because it has always been expensive to eat and drink out that they started house hosting from a young age and never stopped, perhaps all of the above, have meant many of our friends see each other, enjoy each other’s company and laugh together once a week. While it took time to find my own level of comfort within the level of planning that went into the smaller gatherings, in contrast, I was tickled pink experiencing the meticulous planning that goes into the bigger events.
French Poodle celebrant at a friend’s wedding this summer
We have been to six 40th birthday parties since moving here and many weddings over the years. All of them have had an element of performance in one way or another. Mariachi bands, fireworks, synchronised swimming performances, live music, drag performances, speeches, games, confetti canons and themes, they love a good theme. Sometimes professionals are booked in to entertain the guests but friends also rally around and don’t shy away from the spotlight (check out my instagram for a variety of performances).
I’ve been at countless Irish parties where a spontaneous sing song erupts or some brave soul takes off into a jig or recites poetry but generally they have to be in a merry state for this to happen and if you ask them to perform because they’re the type that generally does, they have to say no 5 to 7 times before saying yes, despite the fact that everyone loves it when a talented or entertaining friend gets up to perform at a party. A bit of a Mrs Doyle getting tea into the priests and house callers scenario. Some of my best memories throughout the years at parties have been performances by friends, one singing Shakira, another Black Velveteen, another girlfriend leaping across the floor to Riverdance so why not put a bit of shape on these moments. I suppose in the past I was afraid of being deemed a show off, or looking for attention but no more say I! From now on I am a happy out and proud planning performer. I will openly state my enjoyment to perform and if I feel the occasion or the moment is right, I will happily perform on the first ask but of course, preferably it will have been planned in advance and will appear seemingly spontaneous. That’s what I have taken from socialising with Swedes, while I like my weekends to have an air of spontaneity, there is nothing wrong with a good plan.
Always say yes to more pyro!