Learning the Language

I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. Setting myself up for disappointment when I face the inevitable abandonment of them come February. However, this year I am stating my resolution for all to see, efforts to finally learn Swedish will be formally made.

I have lived in Stockholm nearly two years and speak basic Swedish. Having been around Swedes and Sweden for 20 years now I should be more accomplished but I never thought I would live here (despite marrying a man from Gothenburg) and Swedes speak English to near perfection so was there a need? I was hoping that by being here, the language would assimilate into me without having to do much. So far, my 6 year old and I have decent chats but who did you play with today and are you ready for bed have not proved appropriate topics of conversation in an adult setting.

Having spent most of my life now living abroad, I thought I was fairly used to adapting to new surroundings, allowing them to mould me into what was required from the place as well as teaching me something new about myself. As it turns out, the ability to communicate freely has been a huge part of feeling at home when abroad.

I studied French at university so when I moved to Bordeaux for Erasmus I was eager to put the language into practice; it gave me a sense of freedom. To this day I still get a rush of excitement when ordering a Pain au Chocolat. Just like Proust and his madeleine’s, even saying Pain au Chocolat, the way chocolat makes my mouth pout, leaving the ends of each word lingering in anticipation, brings me back to that sense of freedom; living alone for the first time. In London I trained as an actress while working in hospitality. Polishing my soft Irish accent for shorter, clipped sounds made me feel grown up, sophisticated and understood in a city of accents. I took on the city with such confidence in my 20s. Complicated electrical circuit boards that turned out to be tube maps became decipherable and living out of a suitcase after an eviction, facing yet another search for an affordable apartment without damp walls and fungus showers taught me to look for solutions rather than problems. 

I thought I would take to Sweden in much the same way but settling in has been harder than expected, as was the culture shock that hit me once the honeymoon period wore off. Living abroad is different this time, I’m a mother, in suburban Stockholm. I’m not confident in the language and I pick up my kids before dark in the winter with chocolate treats because I feel they have endured something in their outdoor friendly schooling. Surely learning the language will offer great insight into my understanding of the people and place that are offering me and my family a home. For instance, some say that the sharp inhale of breath used mainly by Northern Swedes to communicate “yes” is to preserve energy when outside. Others say that the vast amount of land meant people didn’t see each other often so communicating became less necessary. Swedish, like Swedes, is a logical language, the word for hoover is “damsugare,” literally dust sucker and a hospital is a “sjukhus,” or sick house. My favourite word (so far) and the one that most incapsulates Swedes and all they are, “lagom.” There is no direct English translation for this word but it means not too much, not too little, just right. You speak Swedish in the back of your throat, in the nasal passage with bright tones. The way you say something can imply politeness or emotion, it is not an adjective strong language. Conflict is not something Swedes enjoy, interactions are quick and polite to avoid disturbance so communication is direct and to the point. So, to get to my point, I am committing to learning my husband’s first language and the language my kids play in. Mainly so they can’t talk about me behind my back but also in an effort to respect the place I am in, with an openness to what it might teach me. After 20 years friends and family may finally have the possibility to speak to me in their own language and then I’ll really see who they are! I currently have no personality when I speak Swedish but hopefully I’ll get there and how fun to find out who Swedish Grace is? Communicating in foreign languages in other cultures can bring out new sides of your personality. Bordeaux Grace was flirty, London Grace was self-assured, Dublin Grace is blunt and banterful. Here’s hoping Swedish Grace will be “lagom,” not too much, not too little, just right.